I am quickly remembering who I am.
I didn’t think I needed that, but maybe I do. I am remembering through my senses, vibration and energy.
Public transit is harsh that way: homelessness, mental illness, business suits and brief cases. You see it all from the window. Some of it comes within feet. That’s the hardest part. Those are the ones I feel the most. They rattle me. I’m not just processing mentally. I’m discerning what is happening in my body. I cursed myself for not doing grounding exercises before I left the house. I didn’t need to there. The energy is great.
I needed it on the train, but it was too late.
The rattle started at the station. It grew louder as I saw a smattering of tents and makeshift homes nestled in the trees and under bridges. The fidgety young man with ripped pants dirty from work, or life made the rattle worse.
I began to feel disoriented, misplaced and edgy. Was it me or him? I couldn’t discern his energy from mine.
I almost gave up and went back, but I got off the train instead. I found a woman who filled in the blanks for the directions I was missing. I came out of a tunnel, literally, and was moments away from a breathtaking view, a garden.
I kicked off my shoes and sat on the damp ground. I could feel the scrambled, chaotic energy shift and release. Grounding exercises followed. I will not be that unprepared again.